I Owe God An Apology

This blog post should’ve been published 2 years ago but disobedience kept it, and many more, in my notebook, draft folder, mind, … or  wherever else I could safely stow them away for no one else to see. Because why bother? Why bother starting a blog when there’s so many better ones already thriving? Why bother putting my personal testimony out there and risk getting judged for it? Why bother using my time to write posts that no one will ever read? Why bother proclaiming His name to strangers when I can’t even get my family to accept Him? Oh the excuses are plentiful but the answer to them is simple: because God is asking me to!

Disobedience is selfish.

God doesn’t call us for our own personal benefit. Sure He can bless us through our calling, and more importantly through our obedience, but that’s never the end goal. We are mere vessels for His kingdom, and we’re not always very good ones at that. Luckily it’s not about our ability but it’s all about our obedience and His glory. A yes is all God needs because He is more than able to do the rest! What He calls us to do is just one piece of a larger than life puzzle. But even though we’re only a small part of His plan, that does not give us the liberty to not play it. As followers of Christ, we have been given a mission (Matthew 28:18-20). He isn’t just calling us so we would have something to do: He is calling us to go out there and proclaim His name, His word, His truth. Again, this is not about us but it’s about saving lives!  This literally is a matter of life and death and we cannot afford to get stuck in our selfish disobedience.

Whatever His call for you is in this season, I pray that you answer it. No matter how daunting, mundane, terrifying, small, unbearable or insignificant the task may seem, He is calling you to it for a reason. If you have been running from Him, I’m here to tell you He will wear you out and you will become physically, mentally and spiritually exhausted. You cannot outrun God and your disobedience will continue to convict you. So take a deep breath and pray the following prayer with me:

God, I apologize for all the moments I have been disobedient (and You know there were plenty). I apologize for how far and fast I ran from You, from Your love and grace but also from Your commandments and discipline. I apologize for only thinking of myself and allowing my fears and doubts and flaws and hurts to keep me stuck in disobedience. I apologize for letting my feelings silence my voice. Today I am done running and I say yes to Your call Lord. I surrender to Your will and I am ready to follow Your lead wherever You take me. Thank You God for never giving up on me no matter how many times I gave up on myself, and You. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

 

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One thought on “I Owe God An Apology

  1. Lamoy Williams says:

    I’m glad that you were obedient and decided to start your blogging journey. I was quite impressed with your honesty and your effective writing style. Regrettably, I can definitely relate to being disobedient to God many times and was fearful to put myself out there to the world as a blogger. I loved your prayer at the end and I know God will continue to use you. Keep going and don’t give up :).

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