I Pressed Pause on God

For the past few months, I was MIA and not just on the blog or social media but also in my relationship with God. It was like a tug of war and God was on the losing end in most battles. Not through any fault of His own but simply because I left Him with the tiniest thread to hold onto.

I pressed pause on God. Reading my bible? Writing in my prayer journal? Praying for others? Practicing celibacy? I could no longer be bothered with any of it. After doing things His way and having nothing to show for it (according to my fleshly standards of course), I needed a break from God.

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Fighting God’s Way

I’ve always been stubborn or, as I like to sugarcoat it, independent. Even as a child things had to be done my way or not at all. You can imagine that doing it God’s way is something I struggle with. Trusting God comes easily when life is good but as soon as I face an attack, I retreat to my own methods. And by refusing to surrender my battles to God, I’ve more than often ended up losing.

I don’t know about you but I can tell you that I’m a sore loser. I’ve grown tired of experiencing defeat after defeat by fighting my way. Albert Einstein once said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”  I wouldn’t necessarily classify that as insanity but more as foolish stubbornness. The kind I am very guilty of.

Today I want to go through a passage from 2 Samuel 5 that shows how we, as Christians, should be fighting our battles to ensure victory is ours in the end.

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Don’t Waste The Pain

Pain is inevitable. It comes in many different forms and almost always at the worst times. It can be quick and sharp or dull and lingering. Whatever the pain may be, we all have to face it sooner or later. Every painful experience leaves us with a choice about how to handle it. We either let it be a catalyst for growth or a black hole that drains us.

I made the decision to go back to college to get my master’s degree and not even a month in, my grandma got diagnosed with colon cancer. The weeks I spent besides her hospital bed I did not even think about school. But after she passed I let myself stay stuck in my hurt. I gave up on school, slipped in and out of depression and caused chaos to those around me. But conviction kept rising in me and I decided I could not let the cycle of pain continue.

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3 Things Celibacy is NOT

Celibacy, aka no sex until marriage, has become quite the hype. Just think of #TheWait movement by DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good or the courtship of Ciara and Russell Wilson. But above all, it is biblical (1 Corinthians 7:1-5).

First off, I want to say that I am not writing this from a place of perfection. I have given in to my desires and sexual temptations before I became a believer but also while supposedly being committed to Christ. I know, from my own experience, that this is not an easy sin to overcome: sex is powerful but that’s precisely why God has reserved it to be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage.

I will be posting a series of articles on this topic but the best way to start is to list 3 things celibacy is often defined as but in reality is NOT : Continue reading

I Owe God An Apology

This blog post should’ve been published 2 years ago but disobedience kept it, and many more, in my notebook, draft folder, mind, … or  wherever else I could safely stow them away for no one else to see. Because why bother? Why bother starting a blog when there’s so many better ones already thriving? Why bother putting my personal testimony out there and risk getting judged for it? Why bother using my time to write posts that no one will ever read? Why bother proclaiming His name to strangers when I can’t even get my family to accept Him? Oh the excuses are plentiful but the answer to them is simple: because God is asking me to!

Disobedience is selfish. Continue reading